Wander Girl

LIke I said, it took some time to get it right, but I was eventually able to get a correct diagnosis with the doctor who I believe, ultimately saved my life. I was re-diagnosed with acute lupus erythematosus, which is essentially, Lupus of the internal organs. My medicines were switched, which not only cleared up the open sores, but dramatically increased how I felt about myself. I felt truly beautiful again, not just because make-up was covering the open sores, but because they were gone.

I felt whole.

I spoke with the bishop at the time. Who assured me that mistakes are part of the journey.

I felt clean.

I spoke with friends who I felt I had betrayed and let down.

I felt forgiven.

I created a new way to cope.

I felt purpose.

During this time, I went home one Christmas and, almost immediately started dropping weight like crazy. I believe I lost between 40-60 lbs in just a period of just a few weeks. I was able to fit into clothes I don’t think ever fit me properly when I first bought them. My dad told me he was so worried he would check on me nightly to see if I was still breathing.

I was hot and then cold and couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was going on. It turns out that was the beginning of my epic kidney failure story.

I took a semester off of school. Neither I nor my parents felt I could feasibly make it back to Utah in my current state because I was not only losing weight, but I was also losing muscle mass and becoming increasingly weak and feeble. I began losing my hair as well. By the time I returned to school in Utah, it looked like I had early male pattern baldness. Good ole’ Lupus was at it again.