Wander Girl

After reading the last blog, you can maybe see while I would relate to this story in the bible. I only recently connected this story with mine. Had I been alive at the time of Christ, I believe I could have been her. I don’t know her exact illness, only that she was cast as the lady with an “issue of blood” and I’d like to hope that had I been alive I would have had the faith that she had, to only touch the hem of his robe and be healed. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have. I have received many blessings that have promised complete healing, and whether thru lack of faith or inaction on my part, these blessing have not yet come to pass.

Of course, this healing that has been promised in my blessings may also be a slow steady healing of my pride, stubbornness, and unhealthy habits that have caused this problem in the first place. The blessing may be a blessing of a softened heart, or as I’ve recently learned the faith not to be healed.

These blessings may also come as I heal my spirit, it may not be a physical healing of ailments of the body. I may also have to wait until the millennium to receive that full gift of healing. If that’s the case, what a beautiful day that will be.

However, I believe much of the healing I have been promised, is an internal healing of my heart, and for those that know the full story, I don’t mean that in the way you are thinking.

Regardless of how the healing happens in full, I believe it started in that second lengthy hospital visit in Hawaii when I was faced with my mortality and had to look it in the face. More will come later with other things that arise, but up to this point in the story, this was my biggest reality check.

Going back to work, not being entirely sure I was doing things right anymore.

Getting let go for not being imperfect in my work, despite having just recovered from a stroke.

The recognition that I may not ever be able to recall some of those lost memories. This is just one of the many reasons I have decided to write my story.

I truly don’t know how much I will remember in a few years, but if I can keep a record, I will at least not lose what I know up until now.

And, because I’m forgetful, and maybe a little neglectful, just wanting to get through certain parts of the story I didn’t particularly feel proud of, I neglected to talk about these girls up until now. I feel should mention them as they were my roommates when I was first diagnosed, and they did have to put up with the most dramatic of the versions of Heidi as I tried to navigate my way through this new reality. And they did it with grace and humility.

Jess has to come first. She was a friend I met freshman year who, while we have definitely grown apart, is still a friend today. She has always accepted me just exactly as I am while pushing me to be better. I remember in our sophomore year, when I was dealing with some hard things, her asking me if I was still reading my scriptures. If I was still focusing on the important things. This is a real friend in my opinion. Someone who will always remind you to focus on what is important.

Second would be Angela, she had to put up with my dating her brother and us trying to figure out what was going on in our lives. She always reminded me that things aren’t as bad as they seem and to always be and do a little better, while always being the center of attention (pictured below;) Just kidding Ang, you just got stuck in the middle on this one.

Kimberlee, I didn’t get to know as well as the others, mostly due to my own things happening. But she was always a bright light in the apartment. She was always trying to keep the peace and ensure that things never escalated too far.

All in all, I’m so glad we got to live that year together and I wouldn’t have had the same (as positive as it could be) experience with any other girls. I’m so grateful for you all and the places you have in my heart.