Wander Girl

Here it is… the post you either never want to hear another word about or have been waiting for. As I said in my last post the second episode of pneumonia is when everything either fell apart or fell together depending on how you look at things.

I was taken by my wonderful friend Bri, into the hospital one morning early in January. Upon arriving in the ER, my temperature was discovered to be nearly 105. At 105 permanent brain damage can occur. I also was told I had sepsis, which, according to the Mayo clinic occurs when chemicals released in the bloodstream to fight an infection trigger inflammation throughout the body. This can cause a cascade of changes that damage multiple organ systems, leading them to fail, sometimes even resulting in death.

Needless to say the doctors were extremely concerned and I given bit of shock treatment to bring my fever down. The doctors and nurses would not allow me to have blankets for a number of hours and immediately started IV fluids. I remember very little of the first few hours, due to my high fever and the meds they immediately gave me to start the decongestion process and help me sleep.

It turns out I had pneumonia again. This time it was worse though. That I knew for sure. This is when another one of my miracles started.

One of the tests done revealed a heart problem, which the doctors believe may have begun as a teenager. My heart valve was pumping my blood into my upper chamber of my heart instead of out to my blood vessels as it should. This was causing my breathing to be more shallow and I could hardly climb a flight of stairs without wheezing.

A man I had never seen before walked into my room, and informed me that I had Rheumatic Heart disease. He said most people who have this condition were raised in a 3rd world country or suffered from Rheumatic fever as a child,  neither of which applied to me.   Surgery was scheduled and the words bone, saw, mechanical and heart stopping, 6 months recovery and chest wires were all thrown into the same sentence.

By this time I was thinking is this a joke?  Is God playing tricks on me?  WHY ME? I struggled to understand why I was receiving another trial when my friends were receiving blessings. I immediately texted my elders quorum president and my home teachers and asked for a blessing. I was told it would take them about 15 minutes to arrive. I suddenly had some thinking time, which is not what you want after a tough diagnosis.  During those 15 minutes, a missionary couple were making stops at rooms. I , of course was sitting in bed with tears running down my face trying to understand what was happening and trying regain my composure before they arrived for the blessing. I don’t remember what the missionaries said, but I asked if two blessings a day were okay, and of course they said yes and went right to work. Shortly after they finished, brother Duncan and JW arrived and I received a second powerful blessing reassuring me that all would be well. I, of course, continued to sob as they left to return to their jobs, but something changed.  Peace rolled over me. I received many additional blessings over the next few months and by the time April rolled around I was still terrified, up until I was in the hospital April 1st with my parents, and some of my best friends surrounding me. The peace I felt early on,  was back. I had the surgery early in the morning April 2nd. There were of course complications, a “simple and routine” 4 hour surgery turned into 7 hours, as my heart collapsed around the first valve they installed and they had a problem restarting my heart in the end. But, despite complications I was begging the doctors to let me go home less than a week later.

I almost felt the message Joseph received from Liberty Jail being spoken to my heart. Heidi,  Peace be unto thy soul,  thine adversities and afflictions shall be but a small moment and if thou endure them well, God shall exalt thee on high. 

While I am unsure if I have endured it well, after all I still complain of pain every time I sneeze and still get frustrated at my ticking heart when I am trying to sleep, I am now able to see the tremendous blessings that I have received through my trials. 

It’s all in perspective and I try to see this time as a blessing I was promised to recieve. Do I still struggle at times with the idea that I may never have my own children? Yes. Do I feel and see miracles all around me? Yes.

Do I now enjoy the freedom to hike and walk distances without huffing and puffing for breath? Still working on it, but mostly yes. Miracles are real. They occur in our daily lives. This is just one of mine.