Wander Girl

Did you know that according to Fightchronicdisease.org about 45% or more than 133 million Amerians have some kind of chronic condition? While the reasons can vary from bad eating habits, to genetics to sedentary lifestyle choices, it is a growing problem. However, just because many people have some kind of condition, doesn’t mean that many people feel comfortable, or even know how to talk to their friends, family members or even significant others about disease. 

Let’s take a look together at some suggestions for speaking to and learning more about a condition, illness or disease that exists inside someone you know 

1. Talk Normally – (Unless the person you are talking to has an obvious hearing disorder). This may be awkward for some at first; however, remember that most people are willing to answer your questions if addressed with concern. 

2 Don’t talk to or about the person like they aren’t there. This is similar to the suggestion above, but for the most part patients know and can understand what you are saying regardless of their condition. If there is an issue, learn to address them instead of the other people in the room.

3. Minimize distractions. This is one of the most important things you can do. This helps the person  you are talking to feel like you care and are listening to and understand what they’re saying. If you let the T.V., radio, kids, or a phone ringing constantly distract you from a conversation it will seem like you may not even care about the situation being discussed. 

4. Use their name and look them in the eye. This is especially important for nurses and other caregivers. Patient 124 doesn’t mean anything to most people. Use their actual name, and look them in the eye when you talk to them.

5. It is okay to touch. Unless the person has a virus or a rare condition spread through skin contact, touch is often appreciated and welcomed.

6. Educate yourself. Nothing drives people more crazy than talking to someone who is completely ignorant on the topic of discussion. The more you know about the condition or disease your friend or relative is suffering from, the more they will open up and share with you. 

Even though these are great ideas for helping you feel more comfortable around people with chronic illness, maybe the most important way to show you care is to simply listen.

As a person that suffers with a few of these myself, I have been privy to people talking around me, over me and even right through me it seems. It doesn’t make anyone feel good when they feel ignored or overlooked. These times in my life may seem happy, but I cried into my pillow many nights thinking about how to cover my quickly falling out hair while undergoing chemo or even when it was falling out from lupus. Yes, I was skinny for a period, and it’s possible that with some serious work, I could return to that again, but my life has scars, and that’s okay. That’s what makes me strong and gives me faith to carry on. I wouldn’t be here today if not for miracles nearly every day. I can’t discount those miracles and the milestones that have led me here.

Often, as well people will ask how I am when I am in the room with them. Yes, of course, as a human, lot of us tend to gloss over how we are actually feeling, but if you look me right in the eye and ask in a sincere way, I will probably give you a real answer.

**The photo in the image linked to this blog is one of the first photos I had taken with LUPUS** I had a full rash on my face, of course for a dance I caked it with as much makeup as possible, but it is still slightly visible. It’s taken me a long time to own up to some of the mental and physical scars that were part of my life for a long time, but with education and support from wonderful people (like the girls ans family pictured here), healing is possible. With friends and allies all around there is nothing you can’t do.