Wander Girl

I was told many, many times as a teenager and possibly a few times as a child how lazy I was.

I never felt particularly lazy. Laziness, at least in my mind, was associated with being unwilling to put in the work. If you know me or someone with a similar personality to mine, you’ll know laziness is not a label that fits me. In fact, it’s often the extreme opposite. I can not help but be early to most events, occasions, and even work no matter how much I do or don’t want to attend. I generally go above and beyond to showcase my ability to perform and often seek out additional tasks to keep my mind busy and actively engaged.

However, as an early teen, I remember many days where I felt unable to get out of bed. I remember days in the sun completely, and I do mean completely, wiping me of all of my energy. I specifically recall one day, I was probably around 17 at the time. My father had asked me to help him with some yard work. I did as much as I felt I was physically able, it probably equaled to a few hours on a Saturday morning and then I felt I had to go lie down out of the hot and humid Indiana summer. Truly, the only thing that helped me get back to normal was water and a lengthy nap.

It was about 2-3 years later that I was diagnosed with Lupus and then another 13 years after that when doctor discovered a hole in my heart causing it to beat backwards and into the upper chambers of the heart instead of oxygenating my body through the blood vessels.

I know this is not everyone’s story, but there are many lessons that can be learned through my story.

Lesson 1 is to use the knowledge you have of someone, whether your child, spouse, or friend, and see if their behavior lines up with their traditional and historical behavior patterns.

Lesson 2 is to listen for inconsistencies. I am not sure if my condition could have been changed or altered, but early detection could have eased years of suffering, both with the physical pain and the emotional burden of feeling as though I couldn’t measure up.

Lesson 3 is to listen to your body and what it’s telling you rather than relying on outside sources to determine how you are feeling. Listening to my body could have definitely gotten me help sooner and potentially altered some of the outcomes.

Lesson 4 is understanding that your emotions and feelings are valid and should be valued. This is a lesson I’m still learning.

Lesson 5 is one of the hardest to learn in the human existence. It is OKAY not to be okay. Let me repeat that. IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. Despite voices around you telling you you are strong and you’ve got this, you have to learn that this strength within yourself includes knowing when you can’t do it all on your own. I am more ferocious and strong because I am leaning, with gratitude, on others around me who lift me up and help me understand I am not alone.

Lesson 6 is another that can be hard. Forgive yourself and others who may have doubted or misjudged you and allow yourself to be surrounded by those who believe and encourage you.

Lesson 7 is to see a professional and get a proper diagnosis and then research the heck out of the condition so you can understand what to do to improve your situation.

Another important distinction is the difference between laziness and depression which I also feel needs to be addressed. Feelings of depression can often be manifested as “laziness” or as a lack of desire to do things that you once found enjoyable. Depression is not something I am qualified to speak in depth on as I have never experienced it. However, I have many friends who have struggled with it for years, and these friends do not have any currently manifested chronic conditions. If this is something you are struggling with, I urge you to seek help. There are many therapy programs both on and offline to assist those struggling with this very real condition.

Betterhelp.com is a resource that is shared all over the internet now that has therapists to help, and it seems relatively easy to get signed up.

I am currently in the process of creating another resource that can assist people with any health issues in determining what is plaguing them and getting the correct help they need. This should be available by the middle of Jun, so keep an eye on this blog for updates.

Even with all of this, I know some of you out there don’t feel like you have anyone you can turn to for support I am aware that this next statement is not popular in anyway or form in the current culture, however, the greatest support structure I have is through my religious group. This is something to consider if you feel completely alone. God knows and loves you no matter your current belief in Him or a higher power. Consider turning to prayer and a church in your area to seek additional help and support, many hospitals have some type of support group. Mental Health America, HeyPeers.com offers support specifically for people with Chronic Conditions.