Wander Girl

First I want to say, I know its been a while. And I’m sorry for anyone who is following me. I have been through the ringer. And I had to take a step back and do some healing.

Second, hopefully this post will help you see why I have taken a break and stepped back for a time to allow myself some time to heal.

Okay friends, I’ve talked a little about therapy in the past, but I want to dive in a little deeper this time, because I have experienced some very traumatic events over the last 6 months that I would not have been able to get through without a few fantastic therapists. The last 6 months have been unbelievably mentally, physically and spiritually harrowing for me. It started with moving home and having to rely on someone else completely for my well-being because I lost the ability to drive and move around on my own.

Just as I was getting used to having no personal control of my independence, I experienced a second extremely emotional and traumatic event. For the sake of my own mental health, I choose to not disclose this event at this time. However, this singular event changed the entire trajectory of my healing. 

Previously, I believed, with therapy I was coping quite well. I was learning the principles of being able to control your individual situations, even if the physical control was not entirely available to me. I was becoming more emotionally stable and working to recognize that while emotions are not negative or positive, they are just something you have to allow yourself to feel and experience.

This brings me to the title of my post, Emotional Drunk Driving. This may seem a little out of context. But the experience I had involved my choice being taken from me. When a choice is taken, the subsequent choices you make for yourself may be limited. When 1 choice is taken, you are forced to make other choices that in other circumstances would never be in your realm of thinking. This changed my perspective on healing and on a person’s capacity for forgiveness, and the amount of freedom you give yourself when you allow yourself to forgive freely.

Why emotional drunk driving? Becuase, similar to when a person can be killed or seriously injured when they come into contact with a drunk driver, so may we experience severe scars when confronted with someone who doesn’t have control of their emotions or desires. Someone I have labeled an emotional drunk. Someone who confronts situations without full control of their capacities.

In my experience, there is not a lot that music can’t heal at least to a certain degree. The song I have linked to below has been living rent free in my head for the past few months. I don”t believe I could have gotten through the past few months without my faith in the “God of Possible” and the help of my therapist and bishop who are still working with me to heal emotionally, physcially and mentally. And just FYI, mental and emotional healing are not the same.

I am now having to choose each day to experience the light, instead of the dark. To sit with the scriptures, or with the dogs I’m watching, or the kids I teach at church and recognize the light these things bring into my life. Walking away from the hard things and seeking the good is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

Following the council of my therapist I have also chosen to create lists of goals that I can achieve that are different than my regular goals. Things that will help me succeed in areas of my life where I feel I’m falling short.

I created lists of things that engage all 5 senses that I enjoy.

Movies, books, outdoor scenes, foods, smells, etc and each day I try to partake in at least one of these items that can raise my spirits.

Another thing that has helped me significantly has been to take a step back from social media. Focusing only on the positive side of social media and very carefully curating the content to be exactly what I need while I struggle with feelings of self-doubt, negativity and am in the heights of crisis mode. One social media creator who has helped me feel like things are okay is Comfort with Flin. His channel is relaxing music while he just sits “with” you or cleans with you or gives you a “hug”.

https://www.youtube.com/@comfortwithflin

I was surprised by how much this helped when I was really struggling. ‘

I guess what I’,m trying to say here is not to let someone else steal your light. Don’ t let the bad things that people around you do affect the way you view the world. Allow yourself the healing you need. Forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring the things that people did, it is more about accepting that you can’t change what happened and being willing to continue living your life with the consequences of that It doesn’t mean you forget things that are bad, or that you accept that thing as good. But it does mean that you free your mind and your body from the stress of living with that anger, shame or hurt any longer than is necessary.

I have talked to friends about what therapy has been able to do for me, and some have even started therapy on their own. Its amazing what happens when you realize that even with God on your side you still need people. People need people. People need hugs, People need listening ears, a quiet place to think. People need a friendly face. People need a place to recover from their own Emotional Drunkenness.

Take care!

Heidi